Saturday, June 11, 2011

Move over Birkenstocks, Vibrams are here! (Ick...)

The following post began as a short comment to a Facebook photo recently posted by my good friend Tony Walker.  To the Dallas throng, yes, this is THE Tony Walker, who along with his talented Artist/Designer partner Max Jones have created the Urban Chic not-to-be-missed, recently christened winner of WFAAList's Best Furniture Store in north Texas, Jones-Walker Home. (Check out their website to see what I'm talking about:  www.JonesWalkerHome.com   )


(I'm hoping this shout out for the family business will appease Tony, as he is not likely to be pleased with what I am about to tell him.  The truth sometimes hurts...)


Oh, Tony, Tony, Tony...as you are surely aware, my love and affection for fabulous footwear has spanned the decades, beginning with my Mother's Crocodile high heeled pumps, deep brown, (with matching handbag). Why, I have stopped more than one Dallas fashion maven as she flit about town from the Chanel boutique to her appointment for the next stage of implants, to her obligatory logging of this years volunteer hours at the Chi Omega Christmas Market, each time asking her to pause as I photographed her most stunning footwear!  

I feel it my civic duty as I duly note when exceptional fashion statements in footwear are being presented. Some may consider this sort of compliment to have come from the shallow end of the pool. I say the naysayers are more than likely schlepping down the aisles of Piggly Wiggly in SAS granny shoes, Birkenstocks or heaven forbid Plastic-like foot encasements from Wal-Mart with velcro closures! Sadly, I must now add the toe separating Croc-esque whatever-they-ares to the list of optically offensive choices for footwear. Please take no offense dear Tony, as this continues to remain a free country and errors in judgement can even be celebrated!  Why, heck-- in a country where Sarah Palin is even remotely considered as a viable choice for President, butt ugly shoes are the LEAST of our worries!!   Your new toe shoes may be as comfortable as walking on air, but they are ugly. Damn ugly.  I thought someone who cares should let you know. 

Yet Tony, with your sense of style and flair for design that would leave Dorothy Draper and Julia Sugarbaker second guessing her fabric choice for the Parlor draperies, if ANYONE can pull off this most questionable of footwear trends, it is you my friend!!  

So hold your head high!  Continue thinking your new shoes are just the best looking things ever...I'll try my best to humor you. 

But you know, come to think of it, this shoe peril could be worse...you COULD be thrilled over Wal-Mart's latest shipment of Plastic-like foot encasements with velcro closures.  THAT would be worse than the toe-separating Vibrams.  Much, MUCH worse...  

Sometimes it helps having a little added perspective to assure proper planet alignment, not to mention keeping the nose of one particular Dallas Shoe Queen out of the air!  Just be careful wearing your newfangled toe-separators around prospective decorating clients. They could give off toxic vibes of a Bohemian gone mad...unless the design style being sought is Butt-Ugly, at which point your individual toe protectors are a MUST WEAR!!

Tony, your personal sense of style is surely the envy of designers world over!  Too bad it's only from the ankles up...

P.S.  Tony, you know that this was all meant in love, don't you??


P.S.S.  If Tony isn't too mad at me, perhaps I can persuade him to lend a photo of the storied shoes to add to this post.